A Late Night Thought

Cancer (June 22-July 22) Cancers are imaginative, dramatic, philosophical, nurturing and protective. You’re best at dispensing advice, so consider law, psychology, teaching, nursing or social work for your life’s vocation.

I knew there was a reason for my love of psychology. It's all in the stars, I guess. I actually do love taking care of people. A job in the Psychology profession just doesn't pay enough. I figured a good way to still help people and be involved in peoples lives is to go into pharmacy. I grew up in a pharmacy. I used to go to work with my mom when I was as young as 7 years old. I love most of my customers. (Of course there are those who are never happy) You really get to know these people and their family. I sincerely take interest in how they are doing. I take care of my regulars. And when they haven't seen me in awhile, they let me know they are glad to see me. That makes me feel so good!

I know I often doubt if I have the energy to continue with school. I just get so tired of studying and writing papers. I know in the end it will all be worth it and gratifying. I just want to make my children proud of me (the children that have yet to be delivered from the stork). I know I am and always have been proud to say that my mom is a pharmacist. Bottom line, I grew up with a mother who was a professional, and I respect that. That is what I strive to be. I want to be that role model for my children. That is the inspiration that pushes me through school. Sometimes my determination walks out the door, but all I have to do is talk to my mom and her encouraging words open the door again. She loves what she does and has never had any other job. Most pharmacists I know love what they do. That also is encouraging.

As of right now, my plan is to begin UT Pharmacy School in the fall of 2007. I know it sounds far away, but I don't let that get me down. I hope I don't have to move somewhere else to go to pharmacy school. That does not fit into my plans. I'm not sure what I would do if faced with that situation. I'll just have to cross that bridge if I get to it. If I can just make it past all the pre-req's, I know I will enjoy pharmacy school.

Drum Roll Please

So, I have thought of a Top Ten for this week. It's kinda random, but I've been picking my brain and can't think of anything.

Top Ten Things I do TOO Fast:
1. Walk: no matter where I go, I walk fast so you better get out of my way. This is probably one reason I hate crowds. I can't walk fast in a crowd.
2. Talk: I have to force myself to talk slow, especially at work. Poor old people just look at me sometimes cuz they probably don't know whether to say "What?" or "Slow down Crazy Lady!"
3. Expect outcome: Of anything....this is likely either the cause or effect of my lack of patience.
4. Jump to Conclusions: I expect the worst out of most situations, therefore may as well conclude the worst. I need to work on letting go and having faith.
5. Read: I love to read but most of all I love the endings of what I read. Hence, I read fast to get to the end because I am impatient...
6. Live: I want to embrace the present but am anxious about the future. Impatient?
7. Think about giving up: At the drop of a hat, I think about not sticking it out with school, usually after an Organic test.
8. Eat: Not always but there are those meals that are so good that you can't get enough of it.
9. Get drunk: after about 2 drinks, I think everything is funny.
10. Think: Often I my mind thinks faster than I can type or write and my hands can't keep up. I probably even dream fast.


As one can imagine, anybody doing anything slow drives me bonkers. It's one of two things, either it's because they are not going fast or that I can't control the speed at which they are doing something. A little impatience + a little control issue= Lucky Gem.

I'm really not a bad person. We all have our quirks about us.

Where was I when....

The challenger exploded: at my elementary school in Jackson, TN
Heard about Baby Jessica: in the car with my mom
Elvis died: not even a twinkle in my momma's eye
Princess Diana was killed: at my friend Crystal's house
When O.J. was aquitted: American History class at South Side High School in Jackson, TN
Heard about 9/11: In Dr. Meyer's Abnormal Psych class at U of M
The "Big One" was supposed to happen: AT HOME, didn't go to school that day
Heard about the Oklahoma City Bombing: At my dad's house
When the Tsunami hit in 2004: Celebrating Christmas
Heard that the 12 minors were dead: In my computer room
When Hurricane Katrina was knocking on the door of the coast: At my uncle's funeral
When Dave proposed to me: In our bedroom, not doing what you are thinking.
When Jason proposed to Chrissy: at a Dixie Chicks concert with Jennifer
Heard about Bryan dying in a plane crash: at James and Madeline's house
Got my first kiss: In Chrissy's backyard, April 3, 1992, with a fellow c/o 97 alumni
Got robbed by a dumbass: at Walgreens in Lakeland, TN


There are obviously many more events that have happened in my lifetime. These are just the ones that I can think of remembering where I was when they happened. Some of the memories can bring a tear to my eye just thinking about it. I sometimes think of the stories we will get to tell our children and grandchildren. I love it when I hear stories like that. Sometimes though, I get a little freaked out reading about these events in history books. History? That word sounds so old.

Yikes!!

Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure (LEEP)


What is it?
LEEP is an outpatient procedure using an instrument that sends a low-voltage electrical current to a fine metal loop. The metal loop cuts and cauterizes abnormal tissue, allowing for safe, relatively bloodless removal of a cone-shaped cervical biopsy.

What conditions is it designed to treat?
LEEP is used to remove abnormal tissue in the cervix discovered by Pap smear and confirmed by colposcopy. Entire areas of precancerous cells can be removed.

How is the procedure done?
Local anesthetic is used to numb the cervix. The cervix may be treated with acetic acid (vinegar) to reveal abnormal tissue before excising. The pencil-like instrument is inserted into the cervix and the low-voltage current is used as the physician carefully uses the wire loop to cut and cauterize abnormal tissue. LEEP is very effective at removing abnormal cells.


What are the potential risks?
Potential risks include significant bleeding that may require vaginal packing or a blood transfusion. Infection of the cervix could occur but is unusual. Scar tissue that could cause narrowing of the cervix can result in infertility. If a large piece of the cervix must be removed in order to remove the abnormal tissue, the patient can develop cervical incompetence--a condition that can lead to second trimester pregnancy loss.


This is what I have to look forward to. I'm a little nervous. I think I am more worried about the potential risks than the actual procedure. Specifically the scar tissue and cervical inpompetence part. Growing up sucks! I have always had pristine health. I've only broken a toe and gotten stiches once. I'd say that is pretty good considering I took gymnastics for 6 years. I can still do a backhandspring. GO ME! Got sidetracked there for a moment.
I'm also thinking it is probably time to get my eyes checked. I can't tell you how long it has been. Maybe it's because we are talking about the eyeball in A&P, which I will try to have a special A&P segment by the end of the week. I can hear just fine, I think. Which reminds me of a funny story: Dave and I ate at El Patron Sunday (the cheese dip Saturday night made me crave Mexican). Near the beginning of dinner, we noticed the train going around the perimeter of the restaurant was going a little slow and struggling to make it around the corners. Dave didn't think it could make another rotation around, but of course, I disagreed. So, we began talking about something else. When we were done with that conversation, I said "There's the train", trying to prove to him that I was right, hehehe. Well, his response was a nod of the head and a "yea". I knew he didn't hear what I said because he would have turned and looked. Laughing, I said "You didn't hear what I just said". He proceeds to repeat word for word the sentence right before my train exclamation. Laughing even harder, I pointed out what he just did! He was so busted! He admitted it and started laughing too. I'm easy going so I don't get mad. Or maybe I revert back to my Mother's daughter episode. Nah, I don't get mad usually at him for something insignificant as the train.

How did I go from a gynocological procedure to a train story? Don't mind me. Just a little nutty!

McDreamy

The Meredith and Dr. McDreamy (Shepard) situation is driving me insane! They need to get back together. I don't care that he is married. He doesn't want to be with his wife. HE WANTS MEREDITH!! For those who don't know, I am speaking of the fabulous show 'Grey's Anatomy'. I get so sucked into that show. At the end, my nasolacrimal ducts nearly overflow everytime, especially this show. (I had to use the technical term since it is sort of a medical show) I mean, she took him the dog and the look they shared was deep. The show's theme this time was "lies". How sometimes the truth hurts, so lies are easier to tell. So, she is lying about not still being in love with Dr. McDreamy. I say she needs to throw everything out on the table and somehow get rid of the wife. Take the leap of faith, Meredith! I know, I am a little obsessed with the show. I even had a dream about this sort of situation last night. The show makes me want to go to medical school! Ha, yeah right! I love this show!!!

I'll be back....

Boys vs. Girls

My sister, who is older, has just begun the trying to get pregnant phase with baby #1. She bought some Pregnancy for Dummies book or something to that idea. She informed me the other night that they are trying for a girl. I was like "Ok, like you have that option." She proceeds to enlighten me about sperm. Apparently, the "girl" sperm are heartier, swim faster, and live longer than the "boy" sperm. Not sure I buy it, but what do I know. Basically, she is hoping to ovulate at just the right time when only the "girl" sperm are still alive. I am still giggling over this. Has anyone every heard of this? I say, she's almost 29 and she should take what she can get. I know in the end, she really wouldn't care either way. She is just a very girlie girl and wants to do girlie things with a baby. Actually, I can't wait for the phone call to tell me I am going to be an Aunt again! I love buying baby stuff, and I know I will buy so much for her. Hurry up Julie!! Fun fact, my sister also married a 'David'.

One for the Women

Top Ten Reasons Why I Dislike U of M

1. Risking my life to cross Southern or Central Avenues.
2. The trains that come every 15 minutes and blow their whistles the entire time.
3. Sorority girls
4. The football and basketball players who think they run the place.
5. Power Point Presentations are how they teach.
6. The tuition that keeps going up.
7. Having 200 people in a class.
8. Cell phones going off in every class.
9. Feeling like a big sister (not the sorority kind) to the girls I have classes with.
10. Those walking right next to each other who feel the need to yell to their friends, even though I don't know how they understand each other.

Now that I have that off my chest, I have some interesting news.

Ladies, we have a tendency to be more emotional than our male counterparts. I, myself, am no exception. Alas, I have good news. Forgive me, I will be getting a little scientific. Everyone has a lacrimal gland above each eye. This lacrimal gland is what provides the lubricant and fluid for our eyes. This fluid drains to the inner corner of our eyes and down through the nasolacrimal duct of the nasal area. Okay, right? Well, when we get overly emotional, out of joy or sadness, more lacrimal fluid is produced. So much so that the duct cannot keep up therefore, tears fall. Now we can blame our tears on the failure of our nasolacrimal ducts, not that we are girls and cry over everything. That's going to be my new excuse! I actually learned this today in Anatomy and Physiology, and I just couldn't keep it to myself. I am contemplating having a weekly A & P "Interesting Facts" segment. What do you think? I could do a weekly Organic Chemistry blog, but I think Blogspot would boycott me for torturing innocent readers. Oooh, maybe I'll have a weekly "Top Ten"!! Told you I was going to get cheesy!

Home Sweet Home

I must admit, it felt good to be back in my old stomping grounds today. My morning class was in the Psychology Building at U of M. I really miss psychology! Something people may not know about me, is I LOVE DR. PHIL!!! He is my idol. I want to go out and buy one of his books. I want to "get excited about my life" as he would put it. I know, crazy talk. I don't need self-help, I just want that book "Self Matters" by Dr. Phil. It is not a sexual attraction. Please, he's bald and old. I am just intrigued by his brutal honesty and the ability to put it out there. Me on the other hand, have the inability to do that. That is why I wasn't a very good counselor. I could be manipulated by those kids so easy. At least I learned that. It would be hard to manipulate me now buddy! Dr. Phil doesn't always blame the man for things going wrong. I am far from a feminist! Like it or not!

Blueangel finally got her blog running. I will spare her the jokes though.

I Am My Mother's Daughter

How much should we really blame on our parents? Don't get me wrong, I have great parents and wouldn't trade them for anything. But I often think of how my life has been influenced my parents' relationship. A little background...my parents were married for 18 years before they divorced. I was only 10 years old at the time. My mom packed us 4 kids up in the middle of the night and moved to Bartlett. At 10 years old, I just kinda shrugged it off. I did leave a note behind asking my dad to take care of my goldfish. For years, we spent every other weekend in Jackson, TN with my dad. I actually lived with my dad and went to high school for one year in Jackson. (Junior Year). Side note, neither of my parents ever talked bad about each other in front of us kids. There was no ugly court battle. It was a very calm divorce. I appreciate that to this day. Today, my parents get along better than ever. We have even had Christmases and other gatherings together with both parents and my step parents. It is such a great feeling to have everyone together in the same room. Everyone likes each other! My mom and dad even work at the same hospital.
But, I often wonder how my marriage is subconsciously influenced by my parent's marriage. So much that I even bought a book "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce". It has given me great insight into my feelings. I have this incredible fear of abandonment. I'm also afraid to get mad at ANYBODY for fear they will leave. That is probably not good, because when someone does make me mad, I don't voice it. I just hold it in and remind myself they could be gone in the blink of an eye. I know it is good to realize any day could be someone's last, but my fear is an irrational one. I do think there are some good things I took from my parents marriage/divorce. Obviously, would not be where I am if not for their divorce. I used to wish they would get back together, but now I am not sure how seeing people in a unhappy marriage would have affected me. I am pleased to be where I am. I have a good life with great friends and endless opportunities.
Another side note. My dad worked nights for most of their marriage, and Dave works nights. Coincidence, I'm not sure.
I know what you must be thinking. "Jana, you have a degree in psychology. You figure it out." While I can't blame everything on my parents, it helps to throw some of the blame their way.

What a Crock of ......

Ok, so I knew I would be getting a raise. All the pharmacy technicians would be getting these raises. And although I do not plan on being a CPht for the rest of my life, the amount of the raise was quite a surprise. First thought, "yeah, more shopping money for Jana!!!", cuz that's about all my paycheck can afford. I only work to support my habit. I'm really not that bad. Anyway, I got my first paycheck with the raise on it. I wasn't expecting much because I slacked off and didn't work but 50 hours in two weeks. But, much to my surprise, it was more than if I had worked my normal 64 hours. Ah Ha! The raise. Cool. Did my calculations because I was puzzled. Lo and Behold, I make more now as a Certified Pharmacy Technician than I did as a Counselor at a Drug Rehab Center. That's even after a raise at the rehab center. How messed up is that?! I have a damn Bachelor's Degree in Psychology and make more as a pharmacy technician. Now I know why I went back to school. Just pisses me off that the first $20,000 education is hanging on the wall in a big fancy frame not making me any money. Done.
No, wait. I am not done. What am I to do now with my new found riches (yea, right). Well, one would assume I would "take a hit", which is what Dave calls my "shopping". No, I can't. Why? Because some stupid moron decided to steal my checkcard number and buy a couple of phones over the internet and then made a few calls to Egypt using my checkcard number to bill it to. Luckily, not much damage was done and I will get my money back in a few days. The real kicker, my checkcard had to be cancelled and I refuse to be a "check writer" at the mall. So, on this Sunday off, I can't go shopping cuz Dave is playing golf....with his checkcard. Our numbers are different even though same account. In the mean time, I'll deal with not having my beloved checkcard and will be checking the mailbox for my new one.

Copy Cat

Now that I've gotten a little more comfortable with this, I thought I would do a list of "Things About Myself". I feel selfish for reading others and not sharing a piece of myself. Here goes:

1. I am insecure about myself, seems to be a common factor among us.
2. I don't know if I really want to be a Pharmacist.
3. I love, love, love to shop, even if it's just at the dollar store.
4. I love buying things for others, even more than for myself.
5. Dave spoils me. He probably wishes he never started.
6. I refuse to move far away from my mom.
7. I hate every aspect of the classes I am taking for pharmacy school.
8. I hate that I have spent so much money on my education, yet have seen no payoff.
9. I can't seem to grasp that I am almost past being in my mid-20's.
10. I worry about not being able to have children, even though I have never been told that.
11. I have to whole bed to myself at night.
12. It is difficult for me to sleep with someone else in the bed, literally sleep.
13. I can not stand being cold. I get irritable.
14. I think I am a genius compared to most people I deal with at work and school. All it takes is common sense, people.
15. I get jealous rather easily.
16. I always fear the worst in everything.
17. I am scared of losing my mom and dad. I can't even conceive the notion.
18. I worry that I will never BE anything.
19. I envy those who have a real career at my age.
20. I have to have the television on at night to fall asleep.
21. I wear flannel pants and a t-shirt to bed. (see #13)
22. I wish I felt sexy.
23. I can't really cook.
24. I am generally impatient.
25. I have been friends with Chrissy for 14 years.
26. I have watched "All My Children" for even longer.
27. I have 2 brothers, 1 sister, 2 half-brothers, 2 step-brothers, and 2 step-sisters.
28. I love having a big family, even though it gets expensive.
29. I appreciate Chrissy's mom as much as my own.
30. Dave's family, not so much. They're nice, just a little different.
31. I feel bad for having more than my brothers and sister.
32. I will probably never get the car payment back from my little brother.
33. I am proud of what Dave has accomplished in his career.
34. My nicknames include Jana Banana and Nanner.
35. I can't stand science fiction movies.
36. It drives me crazy that I can't keep my house spotless.
37. People can usually read me pretty easily. Not by choice, I just don't hide things very well.
38. I like corny video games.
39. I love potatoes.
40. I can count on one hand how many dresses are hanging in my closet.
41. I barely know how to use my digital camera, but I can write a research paper.
42. My stomach turns inside out when Dave goes for a ride on his motorcycle.
43. I wish I had danced with my dad at my wedding.
44. I, as well, have secrets no one knows.
45. I want a Volvo S60.
46. I lost my virginity at 15 to someone I still think about..
47. It was Kenny Chesney.......J/K.
48. I have laugh wrinkles on my face.
49. I love taking baths.
50. I thought trying to think up 50 things would be much more difficult.