The Diary of Mrs. S

Thursday, January 12, 2006

I Am My Mother's Daughter

How much should we really blame on our parents? Don't get me wrong, I have great parents and wouldn't trade them for anything. But I often think of how my life has been influenced my parents' relationship. A little background...my parents were married for 18 years before they divorced. I was only 10 years old at the time. My mom packed us 4 kids up in the middle of the night and moved to Bartlett. At 10 years old, I just kinda shrugged it off. I did leave a note behind asking my dad to take care of my goldfish. For years, we spent every other weekend in Jackson, TN with my dad. I actually lived with my dad and went to high school for one year in Jackson. (Junior Year). Side note, neither of my parents ever talked bad about each other in front of us kids. There was no ugly court battle. It was a very calm divorce. I appreciate that to this day. Today, my parents get along better than ever. We have even had Christmases and other gatherings together with both parents and my step parents. It is such a great feeling to have everyone together in the same room. Everyone likes each other! My mom and dad even work at the same hospital.
But, I often wonder how my marriage is subconsciously influenced by my parent's marriage. So much that I even bought a book "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce". It has given me great insight into my feelings. I have this incredible fear of abandonment. I'm also afraid to get mad at ANYBODY for fear they will leave. That is probably not good, because when someone does make me mad, I don't voice it. I just hold it in and remind myself they could be gone in the blink of an eye. I know it is good to realize any day could be someone's last, but my fear is an irrational one. I do think there are some good things I took from my parents marriage/divorce. Obviously, would not be where I am if not for their divorce. I used to wish they would get back together, but now I am not sure how seeing people in a unhappy marriage would have affected me. I am pleased to be where I am. I have a good life with great friends and endless opportunities.
Another side note. My dad worked nights for most of their marriage, and Dave works nights. Coincidence, I'm not sure.
I know what you must be thinking. "Jana, you have a degree in psychology. You figure it out." While I can't blame everything on my parents, it helps to throw some of the blame their way.

3 Comments:

  • We have very similar families. Everyone gets along now, no messy divorce, every other weekend with my dad, and neither one of my parents ever bad mouthed the other in front of us! That is the main thing I'm thankful for! Nothing pisses me off more than for divorced parents to bad mouth each other in front of their kids.
    For the record, I think you turned out to be pretty fabulous darling!!!

    By Blogger Silly Hily, At 12:31 PM  

  • Girl.....you are awesome! Don't sweat the small stuff. Dave ADORES you and he ain't going anywhere. Just remember to give him some and you'll be fine. OH! And stroke his ego every now and again.

    By Blogger lizziep901, At 1:26 PM  

  • I am glad napagirl said 'ego'... hum...
    Honestly though, you being aware and upfront with your self about you potential issues with divorce, will make you a better wife (my not-so professional opinion..)...
    lol

    By Blogger What The Hell Is This?, At 1:55 PM  

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